Healing
by Alias-JoyLemmon
Summary: Random little one-shots, with no real sequence. All about the usual 'what-if' situation - the Cullen's never come back. This is a short documentation of the Helaing process the Pack  spesh Jake  and Bella go through  rating to be safe!
1. Scars

**Scars**

The first time you see me, all you see is the scars.

The second time you see me, you see Emily with the scars.

The third time you see me, you just see Emily.

That's what I told everyone.

And it was true.

The boys had stopped noticing them – had stopped trying to stare at them without me or Sam noticing.

Kim and Leah were also used to them.

Heck, even Bella didn't stare 0 but then again, she had the same scars as me, only hers were on the inside, only showing through when she lost her tight control on her emotions.

When she would think that no one was watching her, or someone mentioned the Cullen's – especially Edward.

She was worse than Leah – Leah, who lost her fiancé to her cousin – who was her best friend.

No, Bella had lost a lost more.

And, in those rare moments when her pain got away from her, it was plain to see to everyone, that she was far from healed.

Her scars were still raw, still bleeding.

It would take a lot on Jacob's part to heal her.

At lot of his magic.

A lot of his heart.

But he was willing to do that – he loved her that much.

Sam told me once, that Jacob's love for Bella rivalled an imprint, but it was enslaving – he could still think about things, still do things, and a thought of Bella wouldn't enter his mind.

But, for an imprint, it was all about the imprint. Every little thing revolved around the imprint.

Jacob didn't have that – yet he chose to think those things sometimes. He chose to be almost imprinted on her.

She was lucky.

Jacob didn't love all that easily – not after his mom.

Not after his sisters ditched him.

Once she had finished healing, she would realise that.

But right now, the pain of her loss – the loss of her first love, the loss of her first possible future, the loss of a boyfriend who ditched her for reason, the loss of a family, the loss of close friends – consumed her.

But not forever.


	2. First Time Terrors

**First Time Terrors**

The First time I caught myself doing it, I was so surprised and afraid that I face planted in Jake's garage.

The First time I started to feel _happy_.

The First time I felt myself _smile_ because I felt like it.

I was terrified – because, for the First time, Ed- _HIS _voice didn't tell me to stop.

And I was terrified, because I thought that, maybe, I had finally let him go.

~/*\~

The First time I caught myself doing it, I was so surprised that I ran into a door frame.

The First time I felt myself opening my heart – for _her_.

The First time I felt my heart flutter for this fragile, beautiful creature, with a broken heart and a crushed spirit

I was terrified because this was the one person who perhaps knew how it felt to have parts of you life leave you – some because they couldn't help it, other's because they couldn't stand to stay.

And I was terrified, because I thought that, maybe, I had finally enough heart to give.

~/*\~

The First time I caught them doing it, I was so happy that I tripped over the couch.

The First time I saw Jake and Bella on the same page with their emotions – their pains open for each other to see, praying that the other person would help them.

The First time I saw Bella reach out to help emotionally, rather then being the one who needed reaching.

I was terrified because what if something happened? What if it didn't turn out how everyone wanted? What if one of them reject the other? Or the Cullen's come back?

And I was terrified because, once again, it was left up to Bella to figure it out for herself.

~/*\~

The First time I saw them together, I was elated that my chair accidentally rammed the table.

The First time I saw Bella actually laugh for the fun of it.

The First time I saw the softness in Jacob's eyes that I had seen in so many of the others – love.

I was terrified, because this emotional bridge they had built for each other could be their downfall.

And I was terrified because, she might be the one who could do what I could not – heal Jacob of his ghosts and scars from his past.

~/*\~

The First time I saw the way they were around each other, I was so worried that I grumbled at Emily – my imprint!

The First time I saw why Vampires were drawn to Bella like a moth to a flame – she had something in her that dangerously magnified two strong urges – the urge to protect, and the urge to keep.

The First time I saw why she accepted everyone so equally – she didn't have judgemental bone in her body. She understood on perhaps a deeper level that while the monsters in us didn't belong to human kind, they _could_ belong to her.

I was terrified, because this was dangerous – she was Team Vampire before she was Team Wolf.

And I was terrified, because I wanted to protect this girl from the possible hurts – both physical, mental and emotional – that being around our kind could inflict.


	3. Healing

**Healing**

I first noticed that I'd changed when the laughter came easier, when the smiles came naturally.

When I was starting conversations.

When I willing added to conversations.

When the best part of the day was Jacob.

I noticed that, occasionally, I'd catch him looking at me, a soft look in his eyes, and that, during those moments, my heartbeat would increase, and a blush would rise to my face.

It wasn't like when I was with _him_. With _him_ it was a rush of feelings, like an overload to my brain and body. I was feeling so much that I couldn't think.

With Jake, though, because the feelings were slow, I could think – which made them speed up.

And I noticed that I wasn't scared.

Because it felt natural.

Because it felt like it should have – awkward glances, half-shy touches, and undeniable electricity when we were alone.

But it was more then that.

I always felt safe, standing behind him or beside him or in front of him – I didn't have to hide, because I knew that he could protect me. It wasn't like when I was with _him_. With _him_ I felt like I had to help a little – move behind a little more, think of distractions of a potential predator.

But with Jake, I don't know whether it was his stature or just his presence, but I was always comfortable, always safe.

And, when I caught myself noticing these things about him, about _us_ it made me smile a little more wider, laugh a little harder.

Because it was good news.

I was healing.


	4. Summer Nights

**Summer Nights**

That summer was the first time I allowed her to get close.

Those summer nights were the first time I let myself hold her waist for longer than a second.

Those summer days where I could hold her hand for more than just comfort or added equilibrium.

That summer when she didn't shy away, when she sometimes reached for me.

That summer where clothes were randomly exchanged – my jacket on night, one of her extra t-shirts that she always kept with her.

That summer where we used up more disposable camera's than the tourists, but our photo's were of us acting goofy, play-serious, of our friends, photos of what our friends had taken of us – my favourite being the photo of Bells and me, Bella hands clenched into fists, playing at fighting me, and me with my hands up in surrender.

Those summer days of heated daze, where she told me all about Arizona, where it was hot all the time – even in winter. They changed from singlets to t-shirts and put on longer shorts. She talked about her crazy mother, about her step-father who played ball for a living.

Those summers days where we had water fights while 'washing' the cars.

Those summer days where we'd just lie under trees, staring up through the leaf patterns above us, and say nothing at all.

The day's when, if it was hot enough, I'd actually get her swimming.

The day's when I'd just throw her in the water because I was bigger then her.

The lazy summer afternoons where she's bake cookies or muffins or cake and I'd eat it all before they had finished cooking.

The afternoons where she cleaned out the fridge, and I got to eat it all.

The afternoons spent telling 'scary stories' with the pack.

The nights by the bonfire, with her curled up into my chest as Dad told stories.

The night's with the pack that somehow turned into mornings without us getting any sleep, and with no lag in the conversation.

The nights when I'd sit with her on her front porch, listening to crickets and cicadas.

The nights when we'd stroll down the beach after midnight, holding fingers, playing silly word games or singing any nursery rhymes we could remember.

The nights where I'd be working on my Rabbit, and chatting happily away, to find that she had nodded off, hair in a mess, head resting on an old 44 gallon drum.

Night's where I'd teach her to dance like she was in a club.

Night's where she taught me to dance like I was at Prom.

That one summer night when we both got drunk when our dad's were off fishing.

We don't remember what happened, but I woke up first, naked, to a very naked Bella asleep next to me.

That night, I took photos of her sleeping – nothing dirty – her with a sleepy little smile, her completely relaxed against me.

That was the last night of Summer.


	5. Welcome Home

**Welcome Home**

I don't remember the first time we got 'serious'.

But I do remember the first time we really kissed.

It was after the Pack and I had chased Victoria around for almost a week.

I knew that Bella was staying at Emily's, so I decided to have a shower ans get changed first.

As soon as I opened the door, I saw her, looking worried as hell.

She looked up, and her whole face lit up like a Christmas tree.

She ran at me and tackled me against the wall, her legs around my waist, her arms around my neck, her lips fused to my mouth.

My hand automatically went to her rear, as if we had been created solely for this position, as her tongue swirled against my bottom lip, begging for entrance.

I gasped, but it was short-lived, as her tongue dove straight in, lighting fires I barely knew existed until then.

I heard her moan faintly, and I growled softly in return.

I felt myself rise to the occasion, but she pulled back before I could do anything about it.

She rested her forehead against mine.

Both of us were panting heavily.

"Hi," she said weakly.

"Hi," I whispered back, before we mutually attacked each others mouths.

I turned, so it was her against the wall, allowing me better access to her neck.

"Ja-ake," she panted, making me groan.

"Bells," I breathed.

"Jake," she moaned as my kisses got closer to her breasts.

"Jake, please,"

She dragged my head back up to meet her lips, where we battled each other for dominance for what felt like years and milliseconds at the same time.

We pulled back, both of us gasping for breath.

"Bells," I growled, my voice husky and deep.

She untangled herself from me.

She looked up at me then, without saying anything. Just looking, and, slowly, she put her hands on either side of my face.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she pulled herself up onto tip toes and kissed me, slowly, but with all the passion of intimate lovers.

Before I could get carried away, she once again pulled back.

"Welcome home," she breathed.

"I should come home more often if this is how I get greeted," I joked lightly, but my solider was still at attention, and my voice still huskier than normal.

I was pleased to note, though, that Bella's eyes were slightly hooded, her heartbeat was raced (as was mine) and there was something extraordinarily sweet yet uniquely Bella coming from her body.

_Oh God, she's just as aroused as I am,_ I thought to myself, biting back a frustrated groan.

She must have great faith in my self restraint, because all I wanted was to jump her bones.

"Jake? You okay?" She asked, a little waver in her voice.

I looked at her, and realised exactly what she had just put out there.

She had just finally put her bloodsucker away.

"Does this make me your boyfriend?" I asked goofily.

She chuckled, with more then a touch of relief in the action.

"Sure Jake."

"Good," I whispered, pulling her close. "Cos now I can do this, anytime I want,"

And I kissed her.

I kissed Bella Swan.


	6. Im Fine

**I'm Fine**

When Charlie finally gave up and ordered Bella to her Mother's for a week, I _thought_ I would be fine.

"Call me, anytime," She whispered just before she got into her truck drove away.

**Day 1**

I'm fine. I'm working on the Rabbit, mock-fighting with Quil and Embry.

**Night 1**

I have patrols to run.

I'm fine.

**Day 2**

Grocery day for dad.

**Night 2**

ESPN special.

I'm really fine. Missing Bella isn't stopping me from being normal.

**Day 3**

Patrols all day

**Night 3**

I can't call her, I mean, it's like two AM over there!

I'll be fine.

**Day 4**

Patrols with Paul.

My poor, poor mind.

~/*\~

_Na ma nana nama nama na na na_

I groaned and rolled over and answered my cell.

"Hello? I said groggily.

"Bells?"

"Jake?" I sat up.

I heard him exhale, as if in relief.

As if hearing me had finally let him be at peace.

"Jake? You there? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good Bella.:

"Why are you calling at… 2.30 in the morning then?"

"I missed you."


	7. Mad

**Mad**

"I HATE YOU!" I hollered to that sick, arrogant bastard of a wolf. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"

"Bella, calm down." He soothed, attempting to placate me.

"CALM DOWN? YOU DROP THIS BOMSHELL, AND TELL ME TO CALM DOWN? GO TO HELL! YOU JACKASS!"

I stomped away, glad that, for once, gravity agreed with me.

How could he say something like that, and then just brush it off as nothing?

"Bella, hang on. I mean, we can talk about it, yeah?"

"What do you want to talk about? You've obviously thought it through!"

"I have! And you haven't heard it all!"

"Well then, Mr Jacob Ephraim Black, enlighten me! Tell me why you're quitting school? Explain to me the logic of this _brilliant_ move on your part!" My voice was dripping with sarcasm. "I mean, how are we going to support ourselves in the future if all you're qualified to do is work as a checkout chic?"

"We have a future?" He asked brightly, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Don't change the subject!"

He sighed, and tried to hug me, but I pulled away. He grabbed my hand then, and didn't let me let go.

"Yes, I'm not going to normal school," he said normally, as if remarking the fact that it wasn't – currently raining. "But – and this is the important part," he tapped my nose, "I'm going to be doing school online. It was hard enough looking after Dad and doing school. With Dad, and Vampires and Patrols and a girlfriend, I'll pass this way, probably even earlier then if I was doing normal school."

I huffed. I hated it when he proved me wrong.

He let go of my hand, so I could properly pout, crossing my arms and my face in a frown.

He chuckled.

"WHAT"S SO FUNNY?"

"You are," he breathed, pulling close to me. I looked up, my pout and frown gone, forgotten as I stared into his eyes, as they darkened with an emotion I could now identify as need. "You don't realise, how adorable you are when you're mad."

And with that, he leant down to capture my lips to his, soft and slow, the kiss of lovers with all the time in the world.

But, slowly, the kiss grew in its intensity. My arms went around his neck, and his went around waist.

I tugged on his bottom lip, and he growled, almost imperceptibly at the back of his throat.

I pulled away, quickly, blushing.

He looked like a kicked puppy (No pun intended).

"What?" I asked, fiddling with my shirt.

"Why did you stop? Too fast?"

I laughed and shook my head. "No."

"Too much?"

"Nope."

"Bella, what? What did I do?"

I grinned cheekily and walked away, calling over my shoulder: "I'm still mad at you!"

.

.

It was the fastest I had ever had to run in my life, after that comment.

.

.

It the closest we had actually came to sex after he caught me.


	8. Understanding

**Understanding**

I was petrified.

This scenario, which I had dreaded for years was finally coming out to play, and I was powerless to stop it.

No, it wasn't Vampires attacking the town.

No, it's wasn't Bella going back to that leech.

No, it wasn't Bella dying, or Dad dying.

No, it wasn't me imprinting on someone who wasn't Bella.

.

.

This undeniable truth was:

Leah and Bella.

Alone.

In a locked room.

And from the sound of things, it wasn't going well.

Bella had probably knew that this was going to happened eventually, but this just made it that much more worse.

I couldn't intervene.

She was solely at Leah's mercy.

I was praying that Leah didn't phase.

~/*\~

"Leach lover," Leah sneered at me, baring her teeth.

I refused to flinch. I hadn't been in love with the 'leech' for a long time now. That abrb meant nothing to me.

"Stupid pale-face. Skinny white trash whose can't even walk straight."

I didn't know that Leah was a racist.

"Well? Are you going to say anything? OR just stand there and wait for Jacob – or you precious _leech_ – to save you?"

"I'm going to do nothing," I told her, sitting down. "I'm going to let you vent, possibly let you hit me, before you let me out and this never gets mentioned again."

Leah snorted. "I should naivety to that list. Do you honestly think that I'm going to tell you my problems?"

Condensation dripped form her lips.

"I don't think that. I know that. Why else would you have locked the room? You don't want me to get away. You look like you're in pain," she flinched from the words "so I'm guessing that this day has something to do with me, my past, or something you happen to associate with me."

She crouched into an aggressive position – like she was going to attack.

My heart sped up slightly, but I restrained all other reactions from her threat.

"Now, rationally, the only thing you seem to have against me is my past associations with the Cullen's."

She growled, which I took as a sign I was right.

"So this has something to do with me being protected, or you being a wolf."

No reaction.

"Others being a wolf?"

She blinked twice in rapid succession – so fast I almost didn't catch it.

"SO another wolf. Well, that could only be two things then – Seth," I paused for a reaction, and there was none. I braced myself for my next words. "Or Sam,"

A growl, a deeper crouch, more teeth bared.

And she shaking.

Shit.

"Bella, just hang on! We've almost got it open." Someone's muffled voice from the other side of the door said, attempting comfort.

I snorted. I could be dead before they open that door.

"Leah, what does this have to do with me? The Cullen's were around long before me." _Literally,_

She shaking increased as I heard her voice – dripping with pure acid – say "It's today that I lost my world."

"Sam," I breathed.

And suddenly I understood.

Today was the day he had come back – the day he had imprinted on Emily.

Just like the day Edward had left me, she had lost her world, her future – herself.

"We're very much alike, aren't we?" I said, my voice not louder than a whisper. She stopped then.

Just stopped.

"What do you mean?" she growled.

Well, _that _hadn't changed.

"You and I. Sam left you, Edward left me. Sam broke every promise to you – every promise of a future, every plan. Everything thing you had thought you would ever get, he took that with him – when he left, when he chose Emily. Didn't he?"

She sat down, her back to the wall, her head up, holding back tears.

"How do you know?"' She whispered.

"Wha-?"

"HOW DO YOU FUCKING KNOW SWAN! WAS IT JACOB? COS I SWEAR, IF IT WAS,"

"No, Leah, calm down. It wasn't Jake. I know because I've been there."

"Right, because when you're leech left he broke your heart for the first time? How pathetic"

_I _got angry then.

"He didn't just break my heart, Leah Clearwater. He broke my soul, my world. You know how it felt when you see Sam around with Emily? Knowing now that it wasn't because he didn't love you – it was because Fate deemed Emily his 'match'? Well, think of that as a comfy landing. Edward left me because he didn't _love me._ I was _perfect_ enough. I was too breakable, too human. He didn't _want me!_ He took away my future – I had no plans, no life, no future, no family, because of his reckless actions. Did you know that I planned on becoming one of them? That I didn't need to worry about college, or a family, or friends, because I had _him - _ I had _them_. He stole my world. He took everything I had known and counted on, everything I had invested in away in the course of two sentences."

Leah looked shell-shocked.

"You went mega-bitch. I went catatonic. Hell, I threw myself _off a cliff!_ Just too hear his voice! Just to prove that I wasn't crazy – that everything we had wasn't a sick twist of my imagination, but was real. I used to email his sisters old account, in the vain hope that, maybe, she'd reply. That maybe they'd come back. I was addicted to him – to them – like a junkie is too his drug. So don't tell me that you're so much better than me. Don't give me that shit about how much your life is fucked up, about how your boyfriend dumped you for your cousin. I lost a _soul mate_. I lost a future, a family. I lost myself. You could have picked yourself up – you could have gone on, looked for someone else. But no, you had to go all BITCH on everyone! Do you know what it does to Seth? Do you know what it's doing to Emily and Sam? Emily can't frigging _conceive_ because she's so stressed about you and what you will do! Do you know how much she wants a child? Do you know that, if it's a girl, she's going to call her Leah?"

"They're going to name their kid after me?" She seemed brittle.

"They're going to make you godmother! And if you could look past your stupid pride and petty hurts then you'd see you're not the only one whose still bitter! Sam regrets it, just as much as Emily! I regret loving Edward just as much as Jake does! So stop being such a self-centered, sadistic, masochistic, cold-hearted bitch, and realise that sometimes, the pain is gone – it's only the echoes you're hanging onto."

A tear ran down my face, and Leah let more than a few ran down Leah's.

"You're right," she breathed.

~/*\~

"BELLA! ARE YOU OKAY?" I hollered, looking wildly around the room for blood and Bella brains.

Instead, I saw two girls, two _heart-broken girls_ sitting in the middle of the room, crying.

Crying their eyes, their hearts, their souls out.

"Dude, lets get out of here, I can already feel the hormones playing with me," Quil stage-whispered at me.

Both Leah and Bella flipped him the bird at exactly the same time, not even breaking a sob.

.

.

.

.

.

From that day on, Leah and Bella weren't best friends.

They never really liked each other, to be honest.

But they had an understanding – something no one could understand – none of the other girls, none of the council members, and certainly none of the pack.

A mutual understanding that somehow ended with them congregated a few times a year in our living room, crying their eyes out, surrounded by chocolate and ice-cream and whipped cream and all other kinds of stuff that was bad for them, with some chic flick on and some trashy emo-depressing crap songs on.

All of which were centred around loss.

Loss of parents, loss of friends.

Loss of life.

Loss of love.

And no one ever pressed them.

But whenever either of them got into a fight with their boyfriends, it was the other that was immediately called, it Leah who bashed up on me.

It was Bella who left threatening phone messages and 'warning' gifts in mailboxes for Leah.

And no one understood it.

But no one interferred.


	9. It Wasnt The First Time

**It wasn't the first time**

It wasn't the first time he'd come home to find her crying her eyes out.

It wasn't the first time I'd found them, like that, with her crying her eyes out and him comforting her, knowing that, even with all his wolfiness, all his caring, all his comfort – there would always be a part of her that would remain scarred and hurting and belonging to someone else – belonging to that leech who had done this to her.

It wasn't the first time, though, that I'd see her fighting back the pain, to tell Jake that she loved him with every fibre of her being. That he was the reason she was still alive. Still breathing.


	10. Eyes Wide Shut

**Eyes Wide Shut**

The first time I got to blindfold Bella, I was five, she was 7, and we were playing pin the tail on the donkey at my birthday party.

It was alright – I got to spin her around and around until she was dizzy and she almost pinned the tail to my nose.

The second time, it was when I finally finished refurbishing her truck – a new coat of paint, new seats, practically new motor, new everything. She squealed like only excited girls can (similar to 'fan-girl' mode, but not quite as high-pitched) and threw her arms around me, thanking me over and over again.

The third time, however, was the best.

The third time I got to blindfold Bella Swan, I was teaching her to dance.

"You have to trust me!" I told her.

"No blindfolds! I'll fall!"

"You're gonna fall without one anyway. Besides, it's better blindfolded."

She huffed but agreed.

And for a while, we just swayed to the crackly sound of the radio which was set to the Classic Channel.

I gently took off the blindfold, but Bella kept her eyes closed.

"Bells? You can open your eyes now."

"No I can't – it'll ruin the magic."

I shrugged and twirled us slowly.

"It's better like this, Jake," she explained, keeping her eyes shut firmly. "I keep the magic alive, with my eyes wide shut."

I kissed her cheek.

"Whatever you say Bells, whatever you say."


	11. Destined

**Destined**

Since I have been old enough to understand, Dad and Billy have told Jake and I the story over and over again.

Back when Sarah was still pregnant.

Back when whenever I cried near her, I'd instinctively wrap my arms around her swollen belly. And Jake, still unborn, would kick where my face and my tears were, until I was smiling and laughing again.

About how I could get Jake to shush when he was still a baby – how I was only one to get him to stop crying on command.

About how he was always 'my' Jacob.

About how I would sleep next to him, and it would be the only way to get him to sleep through the night without waking once.

How Sarah would joke that, even though I was only two and Jake less than 2 months old, we were destined to help each other.

We were destined to make each other happy.

We destined to be together.


	12. Teaser Chapter and Important BLAH

Heya people!

Know, I know what your thinking – another Authors note saying that things will be delayed, blah blah balh, skip through to bottom etc etc.

BUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUT

This is more of an announcement as well as a short upload/sneak peak!

I have joined Easy As Breathing – an awesome Ning site for JacobxBella fans. I have my own profile (which is a little boring atm) and a group for Love and War.

You have to become a member to look at it all, BUTBUTBUTBUTBUT it's totally worth it!

ALSOALSOALSOALSOALSO

I have my own Facebook page – Somekindabeauuuutiful.

(I don't think I can put on websites on here…. Meh.

http:/www-facebook-com()pages()Somekindabeauuuutiful/202670326421719

Remove the '-' and replace with '.' And the () With /

I hope it all makes sense. So, here we go – your sneaky chapter awaits!

NOTE: Will be in _italics!_

~/*\~

_**TO DEAR HEALING FOLLOWERS**_

_I stared down into the eyes of my best friend._

_The best who was underneath me._

_The TEENAGE BOY best friend that was underneath me._

"_Uh, Jake? What happened?"_

_But that was the least of my worries._

…

_**MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SUFFER MY CLIFFHANGERS!**_


End file.
